Talk Dirty To Me!

Doing the Nasty! Banging! Quickie! Fucking! Humping! Coitus! Making Whoopie! Bumping Uglies! Mattress Dancing! Boinking! Screwing! Hanky Panky!

Whatever you call it, sex is an amazing part of our lives…or at least it should be (if you aren’t having sex, I am so sorry…we will talk about that another time).  There is connection between two people that is only found during some of our most intimate moments.  A time every day when all else fades into the background and pure bliss consumes you both.  It’s incredibly earth-shattering, right?!

Bye Bye Granny Panties!

"Wear fabulous underwear, even if you are the only person who is going to see it." Hello, hello, Twisted Chick here!  Let’s talk about something a little different today… wait for it… are you ready? … ok, here it goes…

GRANNY PANTIES!!! 

MUSIC MONDAY- 50 Shades Countdown

To countdown to the upcoming DVD release of 50 Shades of Grey on May 8th (cause I know all you ladies have either read it, seen it, or both), our MUSIC MONDAY will be focusing on the 50 Shades of Grey movie soundtrack.  I am a big fan of music and let me just tell you, I am LOVING this soundtrack!  Lots of awesome artists and some great songs!  Here are the first 4 songs of the soundtrack, hope you enjoy!

~Much love, Twisted Chick~

Books: The Sweet Gum Tree

After finishing my last book, I was in a bit of a book hangover.  I could have moved onto the next book in the series that I was reading, but I just wasn’t ready yet (it’s hard to leave those worlds sometimes).  As I was scrolling through Facebook, one of the book blogs I follow (shout out to Scheva over at Ana’s Attic Book Blog), posted about a book that she had read that, despite the cover (definitely not one of my favorites, and as the saying goes- Never judge a book by its cover), ended up being one of her favorite reads for 2013.  The blogger was singing this book’s praise, it was only 99 cents, and I was in desperate need of escaping into a new book world, so I said what the hell and 1-clicked that bitch!  I sure am glad I did!  This is possibly one of my favorite recent reads.  Let me introduce you to The Sweetgum Tree by Katherine Allred.

Thirsty Thursday!!!

Hello Thursday! I love this day of the week, because it means we’ve made it over the hump and are finally in the homestretch of the work week.  If you’re like me and have already started your Thursday, it means you only have one more day that you have to set an alarm and drag yourself into work.  Since my wonderful Twisted Sister, Twisted Duck, celebrated Winesday with you yesterday, I’m going to celebrate Thirsty Thursday, or Thirstday, with you today.

It's Winesday, Bitches!

In case you didn't know, it's Wednesday...but around here, we call it Winesday!  We like wine…a LOT!  I will admit though (this is the Duck speaking), I am a cheap wine-o.  I like a tasty wine, but it’s has to be within a decent price range.  I tend to reach for the wines that have these awesome labels (ignore the fact that this is not actually a label for wine, you get the point).

$10 or less is what I typically spend per bottle…the big bottle that is! My go to is Barefoot Moscato (pink, white, or red…doesn’t matter to me).  I like Yellow Tail as almost a tie (the difference is that Yellow Tail has a bit of bubbly to it).  But I am trying to branch out….right now just to different brands of Moscato (I’m a bit of a pansy, but it’s ok…I make up for it with my liquors).  The other night, Kroger had 2/$10 on some wines, so I picked up Flip Flop Pink Moscato and The Naked Grape White Moscato.  

Snitches are Bitches who get Stitches!

Let’s talk about snitches! Not to be confused with bitches…but honestly, they are most likely bitches too! So snitches…as adults….WTF? We are supposed to be adults right? Right! So why is it that at our age (we will go with older than 25 but less than 100), some people feel the need to be a snitch.  There are two main types of snitches one may encounter in life (of course there are more, but we are going to focus on the following two).  There’s the brown-nosed-workplace snitch.  There’s the nosey-my life is boring so I’m going to ruin yours-snitch.  Have you met either of these people? 

Shhhhh! I can cook, I just don't like to... Chicken Mozzarella Pasta

Shhhh! I can cook, I just don’t like to…

MUSIC MONDAY- P!NK F**KIN' PERFECT

Here at Twisted Cork, one of our favorite things is music.  For our first Music Monday, we are going to give kudos to an artist who is not only an awesome woman, but also a kick ass mom.  You may have already seen some of the drama on Facebook or Twitter, but she has recently been in the media spotlight due to some unfavorable tweets toward her about her body… personally, I don’t think there was any better way to respond to the idiots out there…

EVERYBODY GIVE IT UP FOR P!NK!!!!!!

Best Pancakes EVER!!!

Be shocked, I cooked!  I decided to venture out from my little world of frozen meals and actually cook something.  Lulu has gotten on a kick that everything in her world revolves around Peppa Pig.  If you’re a mom of a kiddo somewhere between the ages of 2 and 6, you probably know exactly who I’m talking about. 

Anyway, Lulu just happened to see the YouTube video of the Peppa Pig pancake and thinks it’s just the coolest thing (kinda have to agree with her there, who would have ever thought to do that with a pancake). 

Yup, ^^^ that video. 

Stupid Little Bumps!

Twisted Duck here, and we are going to dive right into personal business! Not the down below business, and not my job business...this time, it's Doodlebugs business actually.  She's 4 (going on 16) and has had these ugly little bumps all over her lower body for what feels like years.  Realistically though, they've been showing up for at least 2 years.  They are called Molloscum Contagiosum, and I HATE THEM! If you've experienced them with your little one, you know how much I hate them...if you haven't, consider yourself lucky! Apparently, grown ups get them too....mostly on their business (ok, I lied...it seems I did have to talk about down below business a tad). I don't have any experience with those bumps (thank goodness), so I'm not going to talk about those. 

Anyways...so Doodle's bumps. I've had the doctor look at them each time she goes in for a check up, with not much relief.  They'll go away in 6-18 months, he says.  Just wait it out, he says.  Don't get me wrong, we LOVE our doctor.  But I'm  mama....it's my job to protect my kids.  Her walking around looking like she's covered in warts or ant bites is  not my idea of protecting her.  If my kid was playing with a friend who had this mess all over her, I'd be a little bit nervous (don't lie, you'd judge too...it's what moms do).  Doc says it's a viral rash that will run its course.  Maybe.  But she's a kid...she scratches herself.  Then the bumps spread.  Right now, it looks like she's got chicken pox behind her knees.  Poor girl, it's now hot where we live, and she loathes jeans.  Bug wants to wear shorts, and I can't blame her.  

Books: Mystery Man

After a long day that included a trip to David’s Bridal with my little minions to get them fitted for a junior bridesmaid dress and a flower girl dress for a wedding coming up in October and a lunch date with my grandparents and several aunts and uncles, I was ready to get home.  Seeing as all of this was done by myself (since Mr. Grey had to work this weekend), when my ass hit the chair in the living room, I was ready to just take a break.

After pouring a wonderfully delicious glass of wine, I opened up my Kindle app and lost myself in a wonderful book.  

Kristen Ashley is my go to author for a kick ass book and she never disappoints. She is the goddess of HOT alpha males and quirky, sassy female leads who aren’t afraid to give as good as they get.  Her writing style can definitely be seen in Mystery Man as it was, once again, a K.A. book I couldn’t put down.

Twist Those Corks!

Pour yourself a cold drink (or coffee if you prefer) and pull up a seat.  Put the kids to bed and shut the door...it's time for Moms to have a place where we tell it like it is! Welcome to our new blog, Twisted Corks.  Obviously, from the title...we like wine.  But we are moms too.  Moms who are open and honest about how twisted life really is!